Need sex. Gaining weight.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
