i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
