You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
