forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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