Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
