He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
