You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
