ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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