Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
