god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
