So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
