I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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