i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
