Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
