I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
