yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
