I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
