so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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