I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
