jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
