upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
