There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
