How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
