Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
