my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this beer tastes like vomit already
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
