It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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