I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
