I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
