Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
