He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
