no you cant smoke seaweed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
