I faked an abortion last night.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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