none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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