Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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