I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
