Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
