I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
