It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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