it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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