my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
