I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
