her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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