I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
