why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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