I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
