wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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