I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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