I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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