Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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