So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
