Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
