I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
