Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
