Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
