Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
